Legacy

I used to think the meaning of this word pertained to my street cred, or that it could only be attached to assets, money, celebrities etc. The year 2020 gave me a new profound meaning to the word legacy in the most heartbreaking way, but nevertheless, another life-changing lesson by the matriarch in my family. Before covid-19 took the world on an emotional roller-coaster ride, my family was forced to say our last goodbyes to the only glue still holding us together, as descendants from this warrior’s bloodline. I have suffered many losses, which will bring tears to my eyes until my dying day, but saying goodbye to my grandmother felt like a huge piece of my identity left with her. I knew the day would come, and I could only wonder if she was tired of laying in that bed doing nothing for years, being that, she was such an electric, independent, and self-sufficient soul. As I sat down to write my last words, all of my childhood memories came crashing in, especially the ones full of pain, when the end result was always “let me just walk to abuela’s house”, where there was always a hot meal, no judgement, and endless stories of strength and perseverance. Only if she knew, that the reminder of her long journey of trials and tribulations, was once again exactly what I needed, to overcome my most recent struggles and heartaches. As I shared on paper, my list of what she meant to me, and how I identified with her, I wholehearted realized how much she taught me, and how those lifelong lessons shaped me for the world. My grandmother didn’t leave us money, but she never asked us for any either, although, the entire tribe will be eternally indebted. My grandmother never wanted to feel like a burden, even in death, so she made sure to have everything ready and paid for, before her time. My grandmother worked since she was a child, to help care for her parents and siblings. She raised her own biological children, as well, as three children which she loved as her own, from a prior marriage. My grandmother left her husband probably around the age of 40, and never remarried, we never saw a man in her home. I honestly don’t know how she was able to stretch that welfare check and food stamps (we were so many) yet, her refrigerator was never empty. She taught me to earn the plate of food she was giving me, by collecting cans, helping around her home, and made sure I did it with pride. My grandmother walked everywhere and would refuse a ride, teaching me to be self-sufficient and walk with my head held high regardless of my circumstances. My grandmother was a giver, and still managed to save for a rainy day. She had to bury several of her children (the first daughter she buried we never met) she was kidnapped/taken as a child, and my grandmother never saw her again until she received the news of her death. How did she do it? How did she carry so much pain without complaining? without ever victimizing herself. She stood tall and strong when we were weak. She held us down. She fulfilled her God given duty, and didn’t even flinch. After I cried, I truly realized, she had everything to do with the type of woman I am today, and I have some mighty shoes to try and fill. True legacy is how you made people feel, what you taught them, by actions/example. It has nothing to do with flaws, but with the power of getting up every day to be the very best version of yourself possible, without complaints, for those who may need you. Our value is not defined by what we have, but by who we are. What a beautiful soul. I miss you abuela, and I would give anything to humbly work towards another one of your amazing meals. I’m grateful to God for allowing us to have you for so long, and I will forever be grateful to you, for your last life-changing lesson. I love you. Rest in peace Juana Flores “La Pichona”, buried February 2020.