Burning

My heart is on fire. The anxiety sky high. My mind wants to make a thousand moves hoping to trick the heart for a while, and protect my sanity, but my soul is numb, just sitting here feeling the flames without the motivation to put them out. Once again I will be forced to say goodbye forever, and I have been choking on the memories. You’d think by now, after traveling down this painful road a few times, I would have a back up plan on how to breathe through it, but every single time the blow has come like a thief in the night leaving me helpless/vulnerable/frozen. I have honestly been avoiding these words, but after so many hours of trying to close my eyes, and control the anger I’m feeling inside, I must go back to my roots, feeling like that young girl writing to escape the noise/chaos/pain. Why is it so hard to yell those words lingering in my soul at the very top of my lungs (this is how my soul envisions it), but they won’t even slip out softly. I haven’t even been able to channel the courage needed to whisper them, so in the silence of a writer, while listening to music, I’ll type them, and leave it here in case someone reads, and can identify, but hasn’t been able to find a way to yell it out of their soul. I’m going to miss you so much papi.