Faults in every corner

I am mad…walking around the house finding faults in every corner, regrouping my list, trying to find new things to be upset about, for the moment, avoiding how bad I found my heart, hoping to get to the stage of “I am sad” as soon as possible, so that true healing can start. I am mad at the future, whatever lies ahead, because you won’t be there to tell me whether you think I am on the right path, or give it to me raw of why I bit off more than I can chew, even when the endgame was to prove you wrong, you were still who I sat with for the details, and my truest thoughts. Makes me wonder how you saw me through your lens? One thing I know for sure, is that we were able to become friends, mending what brought us together, and now I will never again, randomly find you on my porch reading a newspaper. The last conversation, you seemed mad, and now I understand why, That’s how free spirits cry, without doubting their ability to fly, carrying the pain of a past destination, wondering if there were important things I forgot to mention, dissecting everything that was said, just for a mental reflection of your face, your ways, of how grateful I am for the time spent, but now I have to be mad in advance, for future events without your presence, the smile of a proud, in denial about getting old, man. Flashy still at his age, oh how much he made me laugh in my darker days, hell yeah I am mad, I feel like half of who I am was burned and buried, oh how I will miss making fun of you, as we eat a whole bag of cherries, my father has left his flesh, I wasn’t ready to live without you, dad…