Spiritual Cleansing

I’ve been visiting church service for several Sundays now (I think I found a home) the type of pain I’m feeling lately must be taken to God, been this deep in before, and I tied all avenues I’m used to in order to numb at least part, but none of them worked, I had to be dragged, because of the mercy God was granting me, he saw my pain. This time I walked in willingly from the start, God called though my cousin, and I knew better than brushing off the invitation, because only God knows the amount of pain I am in. My all is in jeopardy, what I have built, on all levels, because I was reminded a long time ago that (I rather be broke than feel lost). My passion is my drive, so when my heart checks out, because its tired (these are matters of the soul), this can only be discussed with God, but as I spoke from the heart, and began pleading for my soul, I heard the pastor talking about his debt with God, his reasons why. I stopped pleading, and I started a list of what my debt may look like with God? That was heavy! A lot of shame, for losing my way, in the midst of all God had done for me. I still had to say the words, because although I fall so short, I still couldn’t walk out of there without giving my pain to God (I had to surrender). I stood there in the presence of the only one who can see pass it all, so I could find the little girl inside, and console her, remind her, that she will only find peace in him. Its never easy asking for prayer. It makes you feel vulnerable, but when you feel it in your heart, both God and your soul agreed you need prayer, and someone has been put in front of you by God, despite your actions/lifestyle/temper/abandonment/ disobedience. Once again God did not turn his back on me, I even walked out with a genuine smile, temporary peace in my heart, which I can keep, if I’m willing to pray for it, and change my ways for it. I have been eating better, and working out my arms until my leg heals completely, but your soul/spirit is the key, the most profound (getting to the root) way I can practice Self-Love is to overcome all obstacles between me wholeheartedly letting go, and letting God, with a heart filled with faith, that God’s plan for me will always be better than mine, and that I don’t have to suffer alone these burdens I have no control over, and never will. Oh yeah I cleansed! I even peacefully blogged:) This is for all of those that have heard the invitation and continue putting it off, there’s nothing wrong with needing God/seeking God. God Bless.